It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were trust falling into bushes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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