I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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