I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
