i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
