Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
