I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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