May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
