So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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