guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize