My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
