AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
