dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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