How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize