But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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