guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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