batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
