tell your sister to shave her snatch
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
NoShamevember. You game?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
