He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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