No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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