I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
