I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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