oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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