ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
high people should be assigned attendants
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
