News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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