In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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