it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
