Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
