Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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