she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
