Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
