so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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