Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
