Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
