i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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