She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
