How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Success! We fucked roommates!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
