You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
