It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
