He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
