he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
