We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
