Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
