ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
