whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
