I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
