She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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