Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
