you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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