buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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