Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
