Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
