billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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