Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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