So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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