exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Im part way to drunk.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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