Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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