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So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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