He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
