I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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