3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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