Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize