I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
