He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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