We won't sleep together?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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