im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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