i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
