I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
