why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
