He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
