would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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