1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
